April Fools!

Tom Brady Signs With the Philadelphia Eagles

The Hottest City in Sports Becomes Even Stronger

By: Steven Aiello

Little Did People Know That One Championship Would Completely Change the Face of Philadelphia Sports For Years to Come (Credit: YouTube Gaming)

The city of Philadelphia has enjoyed a recent string of accomplishments with their sports teams.

Since winning the Super Bowl against the Patriots, Philadelphia has seen great progress in their sports teams through the acquisitions of talented players, notably Jimmy Butler and Bryce Harper.

Now, Philadelphia will enjoy the assistance of the very quarterback they defeated to win their first ever Super Bowl. This past weekend, the Eagles announced that they had acquired Tom Brady from the Patriots in a ten year deal.

With recent trades involving stars such as Odell Beckham and Antonio Brown, Tom Brady comes as the biggest surprise given how vital he has been to the Patriots dynasty. Even more surprising is how Philadelphia was able to acquire him in exchange for so little.

While contracts like the Harper’s involved hundreds upon millions of dollars, the Eagles didn’t even have to pay a fraction of Harper’s cost.

Per Adam Schiff, the deal to acquire Brady went for only $50 million over ten years, along with the keys to the city and a lifetime supply of Philly cheesesteaks personally tailored for Brady.

“I was hesitant at first, but when they personally offered me those cheesesteaks I just knew I couldn’t refuse that offer” said Brady. “Name any kind of food in Boston that compares to a cheesesteak. Nothing comes close” he added.

Allegedly the city of Philadelphia also played a hand in the Tom Brady deal by offering both of Flyers championship trophies from the 70s to Brady, but the he turned them down. “I didn’t even know Philadelphia had a hockey team, let alone two championships!” Brady joked.

Indeed Philadelphia crowns themselves the offseason champions of 2019 across the board, while Boston has suffered immensely from the deal.

Following the news of the deal jersey sales for the Patriots dropped by over 75%, and attendance numbers are expected to be their lowest for the team in over twenty seasons.

Other teams such as the Dallas Cowboys and Kansas City Chiefs suffered drops in expected attendance as well, but nowhere near as severely as the Patriots did.

The trade also caused somewhat of a domino effect in the organization itself, and several key players such as Julian Edelman and Sony Michel have demanded trades.

Rob Gronkowski also announced his retirement from the NFL shortly before the trade, which analysts presume to have occurred because of the Brady deal. When pressed on the matter, Gronkowski commented “The NFL isn’t enjoyable when you’re not winning super bowls”.

“I want to play with guys like Brady, not Brian Hoyer” Gronkowski added. Regardless Gronkowski’s retirement kept in line with previous comments he made about retiring if Brady left the Patriots.

With the Patriots down their star quarterback and many other potential stars, the future looks grim for the once model organization of the NFL. On the other hand Philadelphia appears to have a bright future of competition in the NFL, not to mention the MLB and NFL.

Philadelphia’s biggest dilemma this season will be with Carson Wentz, now the backup to Brady. “I could play as a receiver or running back if Carson wants me to. I could even become a cheerleader for the team if I get injured,” the latter commented.

The Tom Brady deal might not be the biggest in terms on money, but nothing compares to it in terms of impact and awe factor. Both cities were left in shock from the trade, and riots ensued in the streets of Philadelphia and Boston following the announcement.

Although the Philadelphia riots were mostly joyous, the Boston Riots became increasingly destructive.

Former Patriots fans aggressively marched through the streets of Boston chanting “Brady Sucks” before vandalizing Gillette Stadium and burning Brady jerseys on the field.

Fans also derided owner Robert Kraft, believing that his involvement in the recent prostitution scandal inspired Brady to leave the Patriots. Brady has not confirmed these allegations as of yet, although he has hinted at bigger trades to come in the future.

“I’m sure Philadelphia won’t stop with just trade. Soon every superstar will be playing in Philadelphia, and we’ll win every championship there is” Brady predicted. “Today they got me, tomorrow they’ll get the world” Brady added.

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