Dating frustrations become more clear at CSI.
By: Glory Palafox
It was mid- September when Emily Mohlenhoff had just ended things with her boyfriend, she had not dated since.
College students often hear that their twenties were supposedly the best years of their life. Boomers would then recite stories of having threesomes on Friday nights. This was also the time old farts supposedly bought their dream homes by simply using their lunch money. But things are different now.
There wasn’t anything exciting about getting rejected by the cute guy in class only to sit next to him for the next ten weeks. For many students, the classroom had quietly replaced the bar or party as the most likely place to meet someone. Some students quickly found out that they weren’t going to meet the love of their life on a Saturday night.
“We often see different people in class but never speak to each other,” said Mohlenhoff. “It’s awkward meeting new people these days because people look at you funny when you try to talk to them. It’s a real confidence crusher.”
It took guts to put yourself out there, especially if someone might be re-entering the dating scene after ‘breakup season’ . Dating often caused frustration among college students because people are scared of being vulnerable. The fear of rejection and embarrassment often outweighed the excitement of meeting someone new.
When (or if) you get past that initial awkward stage of getting to know someone, a new issue appeared: what’s their sexuality? More importantly, were they the same sexuality as you? If not, would either party be willing to explore? If yes, then you have just moved on to the next stage.
College is a place where people have tried to find their self-identity. This made it harder to get to know someone. Most people aren’t sure of who they are just yet, much less who they wanted to bring home to mom. Like Mohelnhoff, many people feel as if relationships ended up being experimental and temporary.
The dating world can be complicated if you don’t know the rules of the game. But were there any rules? If so, who made them?
“I like to talk to one person at a time to be respectful,” said Mohlenhoff. “Besides, there is a stigma around women talking to multiple people anyway.”
In traditional courtship, people pursue one partner at a time. In heterosexual relationships, the man often courted the girl with chivalry. Western culture learned this by experiencing this in movies, books, or by oral tradition.
In modern days of hookup culture, it might be hard for someone like Mohlenhoff to find someone who gives direct attention to one partner at a time. With the pre-biased notion of a woman being pursued, it could be confusing when the tables flipped.
When a man courts multiple women and openly expresses that, it may clash with a woman’s premeditated expectations. Many women were brought up on the idea that a prince needed to find them, which could quietly create insecurities.
Yet when a man talks to multiple women, he is seen as strategic. A person couldn’t date someone who doesn’t align with their moral values. Mohlenhoff knew this struggle quite well.
Even after getting through all these barriers, there was still one more. If you successfully found a partner, it had to be a good one. No matter what stage you were in life, you had to trust that you could pick yourself up after getting cheated on. It could be a real “confidence crusher.”
“No one wants to put their heart on their sleeve anymore,” said Mohlenhoff. “It might make them look like a loser.”
