Arts

The Looney Bin Presents: The Roast of Anthony Mustacchio

Local Comedian Takes Licks Before Serving Up His Fair Share of Ribs

By Lucia Rossi

The only thing Staten Island comedian, Anthony Mustacchio, wanted for his birthday was to get roasted by his friends. On Friday, September 12 at The Looney Bin Comedy Club, this former CUNY student got his wish.

The house was full, the drinks were flowing, and Mustacchio’s best friends waited in line to go on stage with the acts they prepared. The MC for the night was Mustacchio’s friend from Brooklyn College, Chris Augustin. He introduced all the roasters, starting out with Mustacchio’s best friend, Chris Guarneri.

Guarneri shook a bit from nervousness, but he held his own on stage and got plenty of laughs. His act consisted of roasting every person on the dais.

One of his best jokes was directed toward John Kubinski, their front end manager at Shop Rite, in which he said, “I’m going to get this all out of the way. John K is fat, John K is old, John K is this, John K is that. But I got one thing to tell you John K…your clock is ticking motherf*****.”

Next Roaster was former CSI student, Joe Giambalvo. His best joke was towards roaster Chris Guarneri about his summer job of being an ice cream man.

“He came up to me one day and he was telling me that he go the job and he said, listen Joe let me give you the scoop. He said it’s been a real rocky road here at Shop Rite and this f*****g place makes me feel like my head is in a swirl.”

After Giambalvo there was John Kubinski, who had by far the longest and funniest comedy act of the night.

“There was something funny that I wanted to say about Anthony tonight, but um, so obviously it’s not going to be anything from his act,” Kubinski said joking about Mustacchio’s comedy.

Kubinski made many jokes about other roasters as well. One of them being Charlie Ashby and the fact that he dated an underage girl, “I bought him a helmet with a light on it because I heard he was into minors,” Kubinski said.

Next roaster was Joseph Davis who read aloud a fake letter from celebrity singer Adele in response to Mustacchio’s fat jokes about her. His letter started out with, “Mr. Mustacchio you little piece of s**t, who do you think you are?”

Lastly was roaster Charlie Ashby, who made jokes towards all the roasters and told Mustacchio, “I don’t even know how you have a girlfriend, you have the sex appeal of like a double homicide.”

Then it was Mustacchio’s turn to roast his comrades. He joked about Charlie Ashby going all the way to Queens just for halal food saying, “Imagine how far he would go for halal if it was wearing braces and a hello kitty shirt.”

For people who have never done comedy before, the crowd laughed and clapped as if they were professionals. The best thing about the roast was, even though it was the Roast of Anthony Mustacchio, it actually became the roast of everyone. Overall, it was a success.

It was $10 for tickets to the show and the proceeds go to a charity that is still to be determined. There is also a two drink minimum when inside the club. The club offered a wide range of food including sandwiches, burgers, salads, appetizers, and pizza.

In the end, all Mustacchio had to say was, “I just wish that they roasted me harder.”

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