Life Lessons Learned From a Mole Woman
By Lucia Rossi
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is a new series on Netflix that released this month that I couldn’t help but binge watch.
If you’ve never seen the show, it’s about Kimmy Schmidt who was recently freed from being captive in a bunker for 15 years with three other women by a crazy reverend who forced them to join his apocalyptic cult. With her new freedom, Kimmy moves to Manhattan where she lives with her black gay roommate Titus and works for a rich family as a nanny.
Kimmy’s character is special and unique. Despite what she went through, she somehow stays positive and keeps smiling. I believe there are many lessons we can learn from her, in no particular order.
Be aware there may some spoilers included.
1. One step to being happy is wearing happiness-inspiring colors, especially yellow, hot pink, and navy blue.
2. To improve your power of patience, just keep counting for 10 seconds, you can stand anything for 10 seconds, and then start over. Crank not included.
3. Positive thinking is powerful, so smile until you feel better. It’s called, “Kimmying.”
4. You’re never too old to eat gummy sharks from the candy store for dinner.
5. Be true to yourself and don’t hide who you really are. Hashbrown no filter.
6. You don’t need to have a potty mouth to get your point across, especially when dealing with bratty teenage girls.
7. When in doubt, act like you belong. Even if it means pretending your grandfather invented the limo. The world is your oyster.
8. It’s never too late to go back to school and get your GED.
9. Sometimes the teacher can learn from the student, just by watching the movie Major League.
10. Good things will come if you show you are confident on the outside. So throw up your hands in the air like you really want to see an agent.
11. Fame can be a double edged sword.
12. Anything embarrassing that you say on television can and will be turned into auto-tune.
13. Don’t deny your roots, especially if they’re Native American.
14. Cult leaders come in many forms, like your spin class teacher.
15. Don’t bring all your money in your backpack to the club.
16. Large bedrooms are overrated.
17. If you have family issues, have a love triangle, and kick everyone out at your birthday party, you’re doing it right.
18. Always be there for your friends when they need you to cure their Hulkamania.
19. British accents don’t make everything sound better.
20. Don’t go to stranger’s vans no matter what they’re selling.
21. Working out a lot can relieve stress, but it won’t make your problems go away, or make them leave your “beach.”
22. No matter how many times you get plastic surgery, it won’t stop your husband from cheating on you.
23. Don’t be afraid of divorce and starting over again. Embrace your freedom.
24. Hand made gifts are the best presents, like a very colorful bicycle.
25. Being a daddy’s boy is NOT a thing.
26. You can find anyone with the help of a psychic pig.
27. Don’t be afraid to question authority with a rat from the vent.
28. Be suspicious of the Spanish woman who claims to not understand anything, she knows what’s going on.
29. If your sibling wants to go to Olive Garden, take them to Olive Garden.
30. Nothing says “I’m sorry” like a bouquet of puppies.
31. There is no Entourage 2!
32. If your friend’s name is Dong, prepare for many penis jokes.
33. Don’t hire Tina Fey as your lawyer.
34. If a Broadways producer is in the room, start belting Let It Go.
35. “You don’t have to be popular, find out who your true friends are.”- Pinot Noir
36. Females are strong as hell.
37. A true friend stress eats for them so they don’t have to.
38. When a constructor worker cat calls you, challenge them so they think about their actions.
39. “Changing your outside isn’t going to fix what’s wrong inside.”
40. Dancing is all about butts now.
41. Stand up and say, “We’re different, and you can’t break us.”
42. Visualize a happy place and yell, “I’m not really here! I’m not really here!”
43. “Believe the world is good. That bunnies are nice, and snakes are mean. And that one day Sandra Bullock will find someone who deserves her.”
44. Do what you have to do to survive. “Eat a bag of dirt, pass it in a kiddie pool and move on!”
45. Women can be anything these days. Even monkeys.
46. It’s okay if you make everything weird because you are weird.
47. Alcohol…tastes good.
48. Be a Stranger Danger Ranger.
49. You can see yourself if you move fast enough.
50. When someone wants to put you down, make waffles out of them.
Categories: Livin' La Vida Lucia