Arts

Hilarious, Rude, and Chic, “White Girl Problems” and “Psychos” Delights

By Loren Trapanese

New York Times bestselling author, Babe Walker, is something fierce. Her books, “White Girl Problems,” and its counterpart, “Psychos,” will basically make you fall in love—with her.

From losing her virginity to her gay best friend, getting labiaplasty, and throwing a funeral for her split personality, Babe Walker walks you through her life.

White Girl Problem #5, “My Vagina is Bullshit.” Females are concerned about their vaginas, it’s normal.

Babe however, is deeply worried that her vagina looks more like a, “free spirit that doesn’t represent who she is as person.” To put it more bluntly Babe says, “My vagina looked like it had Down syndrome.”

She decides at 18 years old to undergo a labiaplasty (plastic surgery of either the labia majora or the labia minor, or both, that reduce the size of elongated labia).

White Girl Problem #2, “If I like him, he’s probably gay.” Yes, and despite that problem, Babe doesn’t care. Her BFF Roman is super hot, so, Babe decides that she must lose her virginity to him.

She has her Jamaican nanny/mother/best friend Mabinty, hide in the closest and video tape it. Freaking hysterical!

Babe gets Roman completely drunk, puts on Grease (his favorite movie), and basically lays on the moves, with “Tom Ford” being the safe word, not kidding, Babe actually pulls it off and loses her virginity to a gay man.

Babe lives in a fashion on fashion world. She is seriously obsessed with shopping and layering herself in the latest collection.

Birkin bags, de la Renta, and Pucci, are amidst a slew of designers that she drools over.

Throughout each book, you’ll see sketches of outfits that fit her mood, or just simply show you the look she was going for.

White Girl Problem #17, “I need a therapist to talk about the problems I’m having with my therapist.”

Not to give it all away but, her therapist Susan kind of fell asleep during their session which ended up in Babe drawing a dick and balls on her forehead. This is also the chapter that we learn that Babe has a personality disorder.

Babette is Babe’s alter ego who is brought out when Babe meets the love of her life, Robert. She is the raunchy version of Babe who wears glitter and Bebe—which is a fashion meltdown. Babette causes serious problems in the book, “Psychos.”

White Girl Problem #23, “I bottomed out in Barneys.” She walks into a Barneys and $246,893.50 later, Babe awakens in a dressing room and realizes she has a problem that needs to stop. Mirror broken, lipstick on the wall covered in “fall’s finest pieces,” Babe admits herself into rehab in Utah for a shopping addiction.

While Babe is at Cirque Lodge (rehab), the reader gets a deeper look into Babe’s mother. Gina, Babe’s roommate, turns out to be Babe’s mothers’ wife. Bizarre huh?

When the reader meets Donna (momma Walker), the only thing we know is that she was a former model. By the end of the book, the mother-daughter relationship starts taking baby steps.

“Psychos,” is a continuation of “White Girl Problems.” When Babe comes home from two months away at rehab, she hopes for a fresh start. That doesn’t really happen.

When Babe starts talking to Robert again, Babette comes back to life. Poor Babe. The plot really focuses more on the fact that Babe believes she is being stalked.

She wakes up one morning to a threatening message on her mirror that written in lipstick. Who could’ve done it?

Because of this “stalker,” Babe decides to take months at a time traveling and living in Europe—still the stalker lurks. We don’t find out the culprit until the end of the book though.

In “Psychos,” Babe takes on a little more responsibility from getting an actual job, getting fired—thanks to Babette, and having life-changing epiphanies.

We learn a lot about Babe in “Psychos.” Not anything particularly useful though, maybe the, “Babe Walker on the male anatomy” chapter is rather helpful. Penis types. Who wouldn’t be curious?

Babe even finds love in the sequel, and kills love also.

She may be a complete high maintenance bitch who is obscenely rude, smoothie obsessed, and utterly vain but you wind up absolutely loving her. Like, full on, lesbian loving her.

Babe Walker is one of those girls who you love to hate but kind of love more than hate. Honestly, I stalk Babe Walker on Instagram and Twitter after reading these books because I can’t get enough of her.

At the same time, even though you may not want to admit it at first, you’ll kind of realize that she just, gets you.

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