A Lack of Fatherhood in America Has Brought us Here
By Kenny Velez
The United States is becoming a fatherless society.
An article in Psychology Today titled “The Decline of Fatherhood and the Male Identity Crisis,” highlighted the issue, but as time progresses, it only becomes more systemic.
More and more boys are being raised without a father figure. The importance of the father running the household has been declining and as a result, the mother now runs the household.
What effect does this have on their sons? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Why is this happening?
Well, first off, if we want to answer these questions, then we need to go back in time and look at all of the events that led to this.
It all began after World War II. Families migrated from rural areas to cities and suburbs because of the shift from an agrarian society to a manufacturing society.
Fathers became distant from their sons as a result of them leaving home to go to work for long hours. They filled this void with addictions to work, TV, alcohol, and sex.
Women began replacing the father’s role of turning boys into men. Unfortunately, no matter how well-meaning they are, mothers are incapable of teaching their sons how to be men.
This by itself would have a negative long term effect on many boys who were born in the 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s.
The education system became dominated by women teachers, with very few male teachers.
If a boy spent more time around his mother than his father and was being trained to please women, then the school system would reinforce this.
In the 1960’s, the Vietnam War highlighted the differences between the generation of World War II veterans and their sons, the baby boomer generation.
Particularly, that this generation would avoid conflict in favor of peace and while their fathers found it an honor to fight for their country.
During that same period of time, the women’s liberation was in its humble beginnings. Birth control allowed new possibilities for women, and many women began working outside of their homes. Feminism, particularly radical feminism, was on the rise.
Cultural themes such as “the sex wars” became prominent at the time because of feminism and subjugated men.
That was just the beginning. Now, there has been an increase in the amount of peace loving, conflict avoiding men in the world. Not only that, but there also has been an increase of the amount of divorces in America.
These “nice guys,” as what Dr. Robert A. Glover calls them in his book “No More Mr. Nice Guy,” learned at an early age that they were not okay just as they were, and that society would eat them alive if they showed their flaws.
So they lived life by using these survival mechanisms: hiding their flaws, creating relationships that are less than satisfying, and putting other people’s needs and wants before their own.
They do this in order to be accepted by society and more importantly, to get what they want in life.
The irony is, they do not get what they want and have more problems as a result of their survival mechanisms.
So how do you overcome this? There are many ways to.
First, have a strong sense of self and like yourself just the way you are. Take responsibility for getting your own needs met. In other words, stop being a victim and start asking yourself how can you change what you are doing so you can get a different result.
You should also be comfortable with your masculinity and your sexuality; in other words, don’t be afraid to flirt or hit on women.
Make sure you have integrity and do what is right, not what is convenient or practical.
Be a leader and be willing to provide and protect those you care about. Be clear, direct, and expressive of your feelings. Having needs is a good thing.
Try and be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving.
Finally, know how to set boundaries and don’t be afraid of working through conflict.