As Told by a Girl
By Lucia Rossi
We are taught that first impressions are everything, and we gather assumptions from those impressions within seconds. It’s unavoidable but at the very least, somewhat controllable.
The way you “impress” a person, or leave an “impression,” determines what a potential partner will think of you and will impact your possible relationship with them. If you’re single and ready to mingle, keep in mind that every second counts.
I’m not here to tell you how to become a master pick-up artist, or how to get laid, or how to make a woman fall in love with you. My hope for you is that you gain some knowledge on how to present your best self to someone who you continuously want to date.
Sometimes people don’t even need to try very hard. It is possible to be impressive by just being yourself. However, if you think you don’t communicate your strong points well, think potential partners aren’t seeing what’s amazing about you or what you can offer, or if you often get benched in the friend zone, then here’s what you should keep in mind so women will realize why they should be with you.
Let’s start with the most obvious necessities, hygiene. When going out on dates, you should try to dress to impress by putting some thought into your ensemble. Depending on where you’re going, dress appropriately in a mature and fashionably casual manner. For example, think clean jeans, a button-down shirt, and a nice sports or leather jacket. Don’t put on too much cologne, three sprays is enough. Style your hair if it’s looking wild, shave your face or at least groom it and don’t forget to check your breath! Remember, a sense of fashion and looking like you take care of yourself, is attractive.
Now, let’s talk etiquette. Try not to use your phone so much while you’re on a date. It’s impressive when a guy can show his self-control against social media’s hold on society. If there’s a phone call you need to take, or your parents texting you, or work related messages, then make it known so it don’t come off as rude and look like you’re clearly addicted to cat videos and Game of Thrones memes when you should be focused on what’s right in front of you. Also when it comes to after the date, don’t text her all the time. Show that your best conversations are in person, face-to-face, and do nightly phone calls instead. It’s more personal and will help build a better connection.
Showing her you’re respectful, mature, and have manners can also be proven with chivalrous acts. Even if feminist’s may fight it, hold the door open, offer to pay for the date, help her put on her coat. Even if she may reject the gesture, it’s the thought that counts and that will reflect on you as a person.
Don’t smoke around her unless you know she’s okay with it or does it also. That can be an instant turn-off to some people. As for drinking, do NOT get drunk on the date…unless she clearly wants to do the same. Having a couple of drinks is fine (especially if you’re not driving), but don’t do more than you can handle. Show you’re responsible and that there’s a time and place for everything. Remember, she is the focus of the date.
With that being said, eye contact is paramount. That shows you’re interested, shamelessly presents your emotions, shows you’re focused, and can be a flirtatious weapon if done right. Don’t creepily stare all the time either, but gracefully observe. Notice the little things about her mannerisms, and pay attention to the small details. A person’s facial expressions, how they speak, what they choose to wear, can say a lot about them. Someone who can read people, notice the little things, and draw conclusions, is impressive. Try not to go Sherlock on them though.
When trying to impress a woman, you should be confident but not arrogant. Don’t brag, let there be a slow reveal of who you are. Show that you can be comfortable and that she can be too. If you want to be accepted for who you are, accept them too. Expect that there will be flaws but be understanding. Ladies are impressed by men that make them feel safe but aren’t pushy.
Which brings me to my next point, think with the right head please. Show you’re interested in her personality and her story, don’t be too touchy or use sexy language if this is a serious date. Is it possible for the heat to turn up? Yeah, sure. Could things end up in a bedroom? Sure, they could. However, that is not your end game. It will say so much of your character if make it a gradual process. The build-up will amp up the excitement and leave some mystery. Keep in mind that the goal is to take your relationship from dating, to something more serious. Don’t be too sexually forward, go at her pace.
Make sure to give her a truly genuine, well-thought out compliment that both incorporated her looks and personality. Like don’t just say, “That’s a nice dress,” say, “You look beautiful in that dress.” It easy to compliment objects, harder to compliment people. If you want to compliment her body, just go for the face if you’re in the early stages. Compliment her laugh, smile, or her eyes. Don’t go below the neck. Watch where your eyes are going when she speaks. Don’t make it obvious you’re checking her out, and please, don’t check out other people.
The most important part of your dates together isn’t where you go, what you eat, what you do, it’s the conversations you have. This is where you really show your true colors. Talk about your likes and dislikes, you’ll bond over what you have in common. Leave religion and politics out of it, if you can, to avoid arguments, unless you’ve already been dating a while.
You should ask questions about her life to show you care, listen to her answers. Don’t just blindly agree all the time or say “that’s crazy” to everything. When she asks you questions, you should answer accordingly as well. Be honest with your thoughts, feelings, and past. Don’t hide or beat around the bush.
Intelligence is super attractive and impressive. Talk about what you’re most knowledgeable or passionate about. Be witty, be funny, and be careful with your word choice. Use your sense of humor to your advantage, and show that you’re able to laugh at yourself. Try not to talk badly about people and try not to come off as offensive.
I find that it’s effective in building a connection to talk about places you want to go, and things you haven’t done before that you’d like to do. Talk about the wonderful things you’ve experienced or tried that maybe the other person should try too. Show that you’re willing to do new things as well. This encourages excitement and a sense of adventure in the relationship; it introduces the prospect of discovering new things together. Feeling like you can do anything with someone is a sure way to the heart.
It’s important that you show you’re independent and able to do things on your own. The last thing a woman needs is a boy who’s looking for another mom. You need to build trust and dependability. If you say you’re gonna call or text, then do it. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
If you speak other languages fluently, use them to flirt and give compliments. It may be fun to teach your date a new language. Using another language will keep your date guessing and it can become fun and mysterious. When she finds out what you’re really saying, she’ll think it’s totally adorable.
If you’re in the friend zone, set a romantic mood by picking a place with the right atmosphere and ambiance. This will also make your potential partner trust your judgment when planning dates once they see you made a good choice. A man who knows what he wants is impressive. So, talk about what you’re looking for in life, in a partner, and don’t be afraid to get personal. Being able to open up about insecurities is also impressive because your candor can be refreshing and you’re showing your strength.
If you can, show that you’re helpful and selfless, that is widely impressive. You can do this by making a small gesture of kindness. Whether it’s giving her flowers, buying her her favorite dessert, sending a sweet good morning text, asking how she is feeling about something sensitive, or going out of your way to help her with something. Taking initiative shows you’re thoughtful and will be appreciated.
Give her a taste of your talent, this will surely get you some brownie points. If you like to write, send her some of your work. If you like to sing, belt out some bars in your next car ride. If you like to cook, make her dinner. Do what you’re good at it, don’t just talk about it.
Don’t act too eager or invested if she is not reciprocating. Don’t immediately commit yourself to something that wasn’t agreed upon officially. Know the difference between infatuation and love. Don’t act obsessive, and don’t play too hard to get either. Treat her like a real person, don’t worship the ground she walks on. With everything in life, there needs to be a balance.
In the end, whether you succeed in impressing her or not, don’t expect anything in return. Do nice things because they are nice and because you want to, not because you think the woman owes you now. Accept her choices whatever they may be.
If she isn’t interested, then let her go.
Categories: Livin' La Vida Lucia