Sex and Relationships

The Cons of “The Talking Stage” Before a Relationship

Let’s Play The Pre-Dating Game

By: Eddie Martinez

One of the most strenuous questions to be asked when you get questioned on your love life is when someone asks you to label the status of your relationship.

“No, we’re just talking”, would be the answer when the relationship has no label but there’s more to it than just mingling.

The talking stage has to be one of the most complicated parts of the beginning of a relationship with a potential significant other.

During this time period it consists of exchanging numbers, having each other’s social media, and maybe even talk on the phone for a while.

This phase is what either makes or breaks a relationship.

The problem with “the talking stage” is that the contact could be little to none.

Usually one of the first problems is who texts first. It’s this bleak way of swallowing pride from either party. “Is he/she gonna text me first?” would be the main concern when wanting the potential boo to take charge.

This first text can also be wanted from the other side, which can eventually lead to no one texting each other at all. This lack of communication for the first text can offend both of the minglers to just stop talking and ultimately end the possible affair.

Consistency can be another issue in the talking stage. Suppose you’re texting them frequently to keep the conversation going and they respond 2 hours later with a one word answer.

This lack of consistent responding can be so nerve-wracking for the most conversing person in the couple.

You wouldn’t want to demand them to talk to you more often to your liking. Also, it’s too early in the relationship to ask why they aren’t talking to you frequently. This may lead to you feeling that the person is uninterested and result in cutting them off.

Another problem when you begin to talk to someone is that unofficial game of 20 Questions where every answer puts them and yourself under scrutiny. Whether on the phone or hanging out, there is a rush to get to know each other.

It’s fun to learn the pros and cons about each other person to see if a relationship is worth pursuing. It just depends on what you and they are able to accept.

Questioning, however, can sometimes become intrusive. One person may ask the other a question that digs too deep into their personal life and that may trigger or upset them. Limitations will be drawn and weak spots will be exposed.

Another possible issue is asking a question and getting an answer that you don’t like which will turn you off and make you uninterested.

So, what can you do to make this “Pre-Dating Game” run a bit more smoothly?

If you’re worried about waiting on the first text, just put yourself in the other’s shoes. You’re probably both concerned about the same thing.

If you want the conversation to keep going, throw the text first and see what happens. You’re not in a relationship officially, so you have nothing to lose.

Constantly waiting on a text or call back can be bothersome. You may want to take yourself out of that situation because there’s probably an uneven schedule between you two that may need adjusting.

Too many hard hitting questions can be a turn-off. Try subtle conversation and go into a subject lightly to get an idea of how the person of interest feels about a certain topic.

Remember, this is the “pre-relationship”; so, you have time later when things are more comfortable to get to know each other. There’s no need to be too inquisitive too soon.

Ultimately, there should be no game in “the talking stage”.

No one should be testing the other on who wants to talk to each other more or counting how many points a person gets based on their answers.

If two people want to talk to each other, it should be mutual and there should be a balance in conversing.

“The talking stage” can be stressful but it’s worth the hassle. A future bae can be found within your precious conversations. It’s all just a preview of what could be.

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