Sex and Relationships

Find Your Identity Again Even in Love

Losing Yourself in a Relationship and How to Fix it

By: Jessica Scarimbolo

A loss of individuality can have a negative impact on both you and your partner. (Credit:

Entering a new relationship can change your life in many ways, and the majority of those changes tend to be positive.

However, it is important not to lose yourself in a relationship while with another person.

It is essential to remember the person you were before being with a significant other, before they change your personality.

Similarly, you should make time for yourself the way you would for another friend or family member. You deserve care, too.

Elizabeth Stone, from Thought Catalog, is a relationship coach and person who “lost” herself in a previous relationship. She created a list to help save others from going through this, in an effort that her experiences can better educate others that are in her situation.

First, when being with another person, you should never lose sight of your personal goals.

If you planned to start a business and hope to be a millionaire one day, do not let your significant others’ dreams take that away from you. While you are connected, you are also separate people.

In response to that, it may seem like all the goals you felt were once achievable are now just out of reach. You may begin to wonder how you could have ever thought you were capable of achieving them in the first place.

If you feel like things you once thought of as goals are now far-fetched dreams, that is a red flag.

Another important thing to look for when fearing getting lost in your relationship is the trap of always making sure everyone else is okay before you.

This is related to what was previously mentioned about making time for yourself the way you would for others. It is okay to be selfish sometimes, though the word has a negative connotation.

Suzannah Weiss, from Bustle, confessed that all of her previous relationships became obsessions, inevitably resulting in her losing herself in her relationships.

She admitted to noticing herself doing things like changing her interests to match her partners, and passing up opportunities for them.

However, Weiss discusses ways to change this issue that may seem permanent.

While Weiss gives advice on how to change each individual aspect, overall, she recommends remembering what makes you an individual person.

She recommends even writing a list of things that are important to you, and how those differ from what is important to your partner.

After doing this, you may even want to do something that you enjoy that your partner wouldn’t.

Remembering that you can still be happy and in love while being different people is key; the person you’re with chose you as the individual that you are, and should respect that.

Consider having a pamper day to take care of yourself, including getting your nails done, make a cup of coffee, put on a face mask and read a great book.

It is also important to know that if you notice this happening, it does not mean that the relationship has become detrimental and needs to end- it simply means some aspects need to be re-evaluated.

It doesn’t mean your partner is a bad person, either,  or that you are insecure- this is all too common! It is avoidable and can be fixed after it is present in a relationship.

All in all, make sure you do not lose yourself just because you found someone else.

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