Sex and Relationships

What Turns You On?

An Understanding of Fetishes, Kinks, and Everything in Between

By: Ashley Martin

A tongue interlaced with the letter “C”. Credit:

Let’s be honest, we all have sex but some of us like to do a little more to reach sexual gratification. 

We all get turned on by different things and it’s important that you know what arouses you, what you’re willing to do sexually and where you set boundaries so that you can communicate clearly to your partner[s].

When you’re engaging in any type of sex, regardless of gender or orientation, everyone involved must consent and condoms should be used to prevent STDs or unwanted pregnancies.

Now when you think of kinks or fetishes, you think spanking, BDSM, fifty shades of grey, but it’s a little more complicated than that.  

A fetish is sexual attraction to a body part or object. A kink is an activity or behavior that occurs outside the norm of “traditional sex” and arouses a person.

There are many fetishes/kinks, and honestly, if it, it being anything, exists, someone somewhere can find a way to make it sexual. 

Some of the most common fetishes include foot, buttocks, breasts, and lip fetishes, which involve worship, kissing, biting, and smelling of these parts of the body.

naked statues and high heels. Credit:

Another fetish/kink includes role playing, acting out a sexual fantasy like the sexy doctor-patient relationship, a bad inmate and corrupt cop or the student and professor relationship.

Lingerie is also a common fetish that involves sexy underwear, lace, stockings, or feathers.

Another well-known kink is BDSM which stands for bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism. This kink can be beautiful and messy, but involves a lot of trust and communication. 

You are giving up control and submitting yourself to your partner, who’s in control and knows how to handle your body. BDSM can involve bondage, whips, handcuffs, belts, and even pain.

Impact play is also a form of BDSM which involves paddling, spanking, and other forms of consensual hitting.

It is important to establish safe words, boundaries, and effective communication throughout the whole process. 

Orgasm control or edging is also a part of BDSM, as it involves the submissive partner almost climaxing then being forced to stop. Edging can be done by anyone regardless of sexual organs and you can also practice on yourself.

Another popular fetish/kink is group sex. This includes threesomes, orgies, and gangbangs. An orgy is sex with a group of people of all genders, while a gangbang is when one person has sex with 2 or more people. 

Anal sex can also be a fetish but not everyone that engages in anal sex has an anal fetish. Anal sex can range from putting a finger, butt plug, penis or dildo in the anus. 

Other lesser known fetishes/kinks include sploshing which involves smearing the body with wet and messy substances like honey, eggs, paints, custards, mud, and jelly. 

Gagging refers to lightly choking on an object to induce gagging sounds or to the point of almost throwing up.

Urophillia and pee showers involve the sexual arousal of urination by giving or receiving golden showers. 

Wax play involves using melted wax for sexual pleasure, but this can be very dangerous. It’s essential to use candles specifically for that purpose. 

Pregnancy fetishism is sexual attraction to pregnant women. Cuckolding involves being sexually aroused by your partner sleeping with others. 

Other unusual fetishes and kinks include acrotomophilia, an individual who’s sexually attracted to amputees.

Objectum sexuality involves a sexual attraction or relationship with an inanimate object like a couch, boat, or rollercoaster. In the age of the sex doll, the idea of engaging in sexual relations with an object shouldn’t be too wild.

All in all, fetishes and kinks are diverse and allow for individuals to have a fulfilling sex life. Be sure to establish consent and take safety precautions first.


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