April Fools!

Groundbreaking Solution From the Trump Administration!


By: Catherine Gilliam

SAD! Credit: indiewire.com. Mandatory Credit: Photo by Evan Vucci/AP/Shutterstock

The tremendously generous and morally incredible administration led by the great Donald J. Trump is considering paying for tests that will detect the coronavirus. This would be the first time in history any government ever paid for any medical expenses. 

This is huge! One of the very best plans thought of maybe ever! The coronavirus will be sent packing by active America, defeating the rest of the sleepy world. Pathetic! Wake up, world!

This begs some extremely important and necessary questions. What else could this great and beautiful idea lead to? What else could the rest of the inadequate and slow world be too scared and afraid to try? 

The world’s Big Brother America could lead the pack yet again, showing those MUCH younger siblings how it’s done. 

The next natural step from the leader of the free world is to continue his bold and brave efforts to defeat such sneaky and hidden enemies. Free vaccines! Free medicine! It’ll be massive! 

No longer will citizens die because of insulin being wildly and extremely necessarily price gouged, which is of course fair and ethical practice, as we all know. In fact, Goldman Sachs says that such behavior is important, because it stimulates the economy, including on a local scale. 

How, do you ask? Just ask the Starbucks that replaced the locally owned deli on your street corner! They, of course, will speak in defense of such practice.

Nevertheless, with such a smart and ambitious leader, perhaps the smartest and most ambitious ever, there’s no need to limit this really wonderful idea of free healthcare there. 

After all, he consistently and brilliantly finds money for the military and for corporate interests; of course he can find money for healthcare! For a great and talented businessman like him, with such intelligence, there would be no problem working harder than ever to find the best deal for the American people! 

Soon, your doctor could be completely free — perhaps even your hospital visits! Maybe even surgeries! HUGE! 

It seems so controversial yet so brave to suggest this great idea, especially given NO evidence that it works. After all, no country has ever gone on a bold and great venture such as this. SAD! 

But America must lead, as always. Trump’s ingenious and original idea of paying for coronavirus testing certainly demonstrates his remarkable ability to innovate and think creatively in order to solve problems. 

Other “comparable” yet cowardly (a great many, many, many times more cowardly than the great USA!) countries might claim to “have universal healthcare,” as well as “free education” and “a rehabilitative prison system” and “effective gun control” but that’s what all of the frauds say when cornered so effectively by someone so superior.

In fact, they do not have it, because what would they need universal healthcare for if no one was getting sick or shot? That’s called a CHECKMATE, fake news! 

However, the Trump Administration is creating something that a reputable and very extremely qualified source claims is called healthcare universally, which is obviously very different from the FAKE and CORRUPT shams these other countries claim to have, but clearly don’t, because this is the first time in history anyone has ever tried anything like this. 

Indeed, no one would be surprised if this talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, showstopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely never been done before idea wasn’t great. People would only be surprised if it wasn’t!

Though coronavirus bills continue to get stopped in the Senate, the great oligarch — the great President Trump will get this and much more pushed through! If you don’t believe us, check his Twitter! If you don’t believe him, move somewhere else!

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