April Fools!

No Sports Going on? No problem. Play the new sport ‘The Corona Touch’

This New Sport Will Keep You on the Lookout and on the Move

By: Danny Cacace

The front page of the New York Post’s recent headline about the Coronavirus affecting the sports world. Credit: Nypost.com

The new virus called the Coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, has stopped everything going on around the world including sports; but, there’s a new sport in town called ‘The Corona Touch’ that anyone can play.

Think of games such as ‘Tag’ or ‘Manhunt’ or even ‘Capture the Flag’ where the objective of those games once someone is the tagger, their objective is to touch someone and that person they touched is out.

This sport is quite similar to those games, but has a slight twist to it.

Each player has to be 18 or older to play. 

In this sport, someone is infected with the Coronavirus, they are the person who is ‘it’ or the ‘infector’ and their goal is to tag 10 people who are called the ‘citizens’ so they can get the virus. This is to create swarms of people with the virus, once someone tags 10 people, the ‘swarm’ is made. There is one infected for each territory in every city.

When a citizen steps into their territory, they are infected with the virus. Then, they become a part of that specific swarm of people. 

Once a swarm controls a larger percent of the city that they’re playing in, that swarm wins the game. Each territory in the city that is claimed by the swarm counts as one point for that team.

A citizen’s objective is to isolate as far away as possible from people. They need to gather as many supplies as they can from stores while there are still supplies in the stores. 

The only supplies they can get are masks and gloves, and the stores that they go to are safe zones where no one in the store has the virus so they will be getting supplies in those specific stores.

Even if the citizens have masks and gloves on, they can still get infected with the virus. They’ll have to use the mask and gloves to block any cough or the infector’s touches. Each citizen will have to be cautious and smart. 

If a citizen goes to their house, they are infected with the virus because they are forfeiting the game because it is an “easy way out”. 

There are no true safe zones, other than trusting really no one because that person can be an infector. A citizen’s goal is to stay in empty areas where one can’t be seen or heard. 

A citizen can buy groceries at a supermarket, but a supermarket is not a safe zone. However, the employees are not counted as infectors though. The citizen has to be quick and swift about buying their groceries before an infector goes and tries to infect them with the virus. 

A citizen has to stay un-infected for seven days, and if they survive without being infected for seven days, then they will win the game. The team who wins the game will win a free lifetime supply of Corona beer bottles or a one week vacation to the Bahamas. 

This game sounds simple, but it is really tough. This game has many similarities to ‘The Hunger Games’ books and movies.  

There are no ‘second chances’ or more ‘lives’ these citizens get; once one is infected, they are a part of that swarm for good. 

Citizens must use their eyes and ears to stay alert if they see anybody because no one should be trusted, and the only person each citizen can trust is themselves. No one is trustworthy.

On a side note, this new sport is completely fake and it’s all just a joke. Stay safe everyone as we get through these tough times together.


Categories: April Fools!, Sports

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