Sex and Relationships

Are you a woman in a heterosexual relationship not experiencing orgasms? 

If you said yes, you may be interested to know it is not uncommon…

By: Katie Kallahan

“There’s something about the way our bed sheets turn religion upside down.” Lyrics by Yungblud. Credit: Cotton Candy Music Video,

Women experience a lot of inequalities in their whole lives. It’s a man’s world and we’re just living in it, with pink tax and pay wage gaps. Now there are studies to show there is an orgasm gap. 

Yep, you read that right orgasm gap. Honestly it’s not that surprising. 

In everything from books to media to real life experiences, in heterosexual relationships it’s become a type of societal norm that sex begins when a man initiates or makes the first move, and ends when he has finished. Women are taught from a young age that sex is shameful and they shouldn’t express a want or enjoyment of it, and if they do, it’s frowned upon. 

It’s an old and ridiculous thought process for women to have to pretend they don’t like sex as much as men. 

In a national sample taken by The Official Publication of the International Academy of Sex Research, it shows that lesbian and bisexual women have significantly more orgasms than heterosexual women. There is even another orgasm gap between women when they’re alone versus when they are with a partner, the study showed that 39% of women orgasmed alone and only 6% with a partner. 

This is mostly due to lack of knowledge of the anatomy of a woman. Most men believe the way to get a woman to orgasm is through penetrative sex, and most women have said that the way they orgasm is through clitoral stimulation. 

There is also significantly less scientific research on the female body, until 2009 people weren’t even aware that the clitoris wasn’t just that one little spot labeled in your science textbook which is also stereotypically known as the thing men have trouble finding. 

Biologists, Dr. Odile Buisson and Dr. Pierre Foldès are the ones who discovered that the clitoris is actually 90% under the skin. Their research is suggestive that all orgasms are clitoral. 

Most women don’t understand the difference between climaxing and orgasming which is why some may believe they have had a vaginal orgasm before. 

“Climax is what we usually think of when we hear “orgasm”: a few seconds of pelvic floor muscle contractions,” said sex educator Lucia Paxton. “Orgasm, on the other hand, is a state that can last as long as you want. It’s what happens if your body stays in the state it reaches right before climax — except instead of tensing, it relaxes.” 

Now to overcome the orgasm gap, women, you need to learn about yourselves!! It really comes from a lot of self research, pun intended. You can find out about yourself the old fashioned way with you and your hand, or pick up a toy on your next trip to the mall; just stop at a Spencers. 

When you find out what you like and don’t like for yourself, you can communicate this to any partners you have and it will make sex so much more enjoyable for the both of you. 

Once you have a partner, make sure you both understand to focus on arousal before any penetration occurs, without this many women have said sex is painful. It shouldn’t be. 

“The vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm,” said Laurie Mintz, the author of  “Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters — And How to Get It.” “Otherwise, the vagina doesn’t lubricate, and the cervix doesn’t pull back out of the way of the penis.”

If you’re having sex with a woman and quickly jump into penetration, she wont be aroused and it could feel painful or like nothing. This is why a majority of studies on women have shown that sex is painful for them.

 If more time is spent with kissing or oral sex then women are more likely to become aroused and hopefully reach orgasm in the end. It’s not about when you got there, it’s about how you got there. 

Don’t ask your partner in the middle of sex if they’re about to come or if they’ve came, just enjoy the ride. Have fun with each other, it’s not a marathon. 

Categories: Sex and Relationships

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