How To Heal After Losing Any Kind of Love
By: Beren Sabuncu
While it might be easy to simply pick one definition for it, love cannot be summed up easily.
Love is your significant other. Love is your mother. It is your family, your best friend or your child. Love is happiness.
It is easy to single out one definition, and pretend as though that does love justice. It doesn’t. It also doesn’t do our complex mental and emotional capabilities justice. You yourself are very complicated, isn’t it only natural your emotions are too?
We are certainly creatures of wonder. It is mind-boggling to think that there are as many different kinds of love as there are people. However, whatever your definition of love may be, loss thereof is always painful.
Referring to the several different definitions of love mentioned above, imagine losing love. Imagine you lost your mother, parted ways with your best friend, or broke up with your significant other. Granted, the pain of some is incomparable to others. No one could say breaking up with a partner would hurt as much as losing your mother.
The pain of lost love is experienced by many, no matter how much it may hurt or what that particular case may be. Several questions arise after losing love. How long am I going to be in pain after my loss? How am I going to get over this loss? Will I ever love again? Will I ever feel whole again? Will I be myself again after this?
The answers obviously vary depending on your personality and what you can handle. Not everyone is made from the same fabric and usually that’s what makes life so fun.
There is an amazing saying about the inherent differences people have playing a big part in the way they process pain and dark emotions. It goes something like, ” The same water that hardens the egg softens the potato.” That is to say, if the situations of two people were absolutely the same, they would still respond differently. What you’re made of shines through under tough times.
The questions you ask yourself have different subjective answers. You might be in pain for several months, or weeks, or years. You might get over it, or not. Answers to those questions, people and the different kinds of love they feel, and the conditions of said loss will almost always be different.
That being said, the loss of love does not eradicate the once beautiful existence of it. To celebrate what once was is always better than to mourn what now isn’t. Life is too short to worry and too long to spend worrying.
Of course there are some pivotal points in life almost everyone experiences. These points are harder to experience, such as the loss of a parent. Still, even and especially in such a case, celebrate love and life.
Celebrate the simple fact that you had such a beautiful person in your life. The only way to not give into feeling pain for more than necessary is to mend your broken heart with love.
The only way to stop hurting is to love more. It might be hard at first and you might not feel like it. You might feel as though your heart cannot feel anything but pain. Yet as mentioned before, humans are complex creatures. Find the strength you hadn’t realized you possessed within, and actively choose love.
Love yourself more to mend your heart. Try and love life more, force yourself to enjoy the small things. You might think that it is easier said than done, and you would be right. Why back down when the going gets tough? It might be hard but it is worth it to love again after loss.
Seeing that you’re capable of love after loss makes you realize how strong you are. Your heart is huge, life is better with love. Celebrate your complexity and you can healthily experience grief for the loss of love.
Yet, don’t ever forget that the love you lost and the person you loved were in your life for a reason. That reason is to show you how much love you are capable of. Revel in that you were once capable of so much love, and let yourself love again. You will thank yourself for it.