Sex and Relationships

Love, Sex, and Arguments?

Arguing can seem scary, but it is in fact healthy for your relationship, when done correctly.

By: Jessica Scarimbolo

A couple arguing, healthily! (Credit: relationships.femalefirst.co.uk)

While it seems like something all couples would want to avoid, studies show that arguing with your partner actually makes for a stronger relationship.

In fact, avoiding communication and arguments makes for a more distant couple.

Communicating with your partner the moment you feel some sort of discomfort avoids bigger arguments in the future.

If you let your feelings fester and get worse with time, what could have been a small argument may turn into a fight that lasts a day or two.

Communication is key.

It could also be said that arguing shows growth in your relationship. In a new relationship, you and your partner are still in the honeymoon phase where the two of you are absolutely infatuated with everything the other does, even the annoying things.

Listening to your partner during an argument helps you understand who they are and what affects them.

For example, if you did not take the garbage out that day, something that may seem small to you, may actually show your partner that you feel that they are expected to do all the chores at home.

It is almost certain to say that in the first few months of your relationship, you and your partner would never be fighting over who is taking out the garbage, this argument happening down the road shows growth, especially feeling comfortable enough to voice this with your person.

Arguing about something like taking the garbage out could potentially be a one-time argument. Fighting will help you realize what it is that you could be unintentionally doing to hurt your partner and can help you avoid it in the future.

Perhaps the biggest misconception behind fighting in a relationship is that it will always destroy it.

While this could be true if the fighting is excessive and toxic, small arguments help the two of you understand one another better, also indicating when your partner is not at their happiest.

In fact, ignoring small issues in your relationship could eventually become aspects of one another that you may grow to resent. Again, communicate with one another, even when you know it will lead to an argument.

Arguing with your partner proves that the two of you are comfortable sharing your feelings. If one of you is uncomfortable with something the other has done, the easiest way to mend that is to communicate about it, even if that means a temporary argument.

However, when communicating your feelings, make sure to think of the way your words come across. Even if your partner has done something to just outright piss you off, it’s important to choose your words carefully so to be cruel to your partner.

Interestingly enough, a psychologist named John Gottman conducted a study where he recorded conversations between hundreds of couples, all in different stages of their relationships.

When Gottman analyzed the videos, he was able to identify which couples ended up splitting and which couples remain together with 90% accuracy. Gottman says that he came to these conclusions by analyzing the way the couples handled issues when they did arise.

While he definitely claims that arguing does make for a healthier relationship in the long run, it depends on the way the couple fought.

For example, name-calling is a negative trait while fighting while the couples who took responsibility for their actions and how they made their partner feel, had more productive arguments.

While fighting can seem like a scary thing for anyone, it’s important to remember that it is natural for people to disagree and get on one another’s nerves, especially when you are sharing a space!

Make sure to remember that though the two of you are arguing, you are not against one another. Together, you are working towards hearing out one another and moving to a healthier place.

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