Is Christmas Still Worth Stealing? Definitely Not.
By: Lauren Silverman
Dear Banner readers,
It’s that time of year again.
What could I possibly mean by “that time of year?” You might think I’m referencing the month of December, the soft glow of the light arrangements on your block, or the cups of hot chocolate you drink while snow falls outside your door.
I’m not talking about any of those things. I’m talking about the time of year when everyone sits back, relaxes, and tells stories about how terrible I am.
Have you ever listened closely to the lyrics of “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch?” Dr. Seuss found it humorous to write an unprovoked diss track, and his reasoning behind the insults are poor.
Plus, that terrible song loses relevance as the years go on. Christmas has changed so much since the song’s release that I find myself bothered less by the nauseating joy and more by the colossal levels of stress that come with celebrating.
The people of Whoville love celebrating Christmas together, regardless of its commercial aspects. But how many people truly feel this way today?
How often do people decide not to buy each other presents and simply spend time with each other instead? We might be nervous to suggest this. After all, our friends might consider us cheap or stingy if we don’t want to buy them something.
Surely, you must agree that it’s ridiculous. People would rather have ten different hand lotions from Bath & Body Works than spend time with the people they care about.
And most of those hand lotions end up re-gifted or in the trash. In fact, if not discarded, these dreaded items can be thrown into endless cycles of re-gifting, doomed to bounce from home to home, unopened till their dying days.
An even more terrible part of gift-giving is that people get caught up in prices. If someone bought them a slightly more expensive gift, they might become anxious that the one they gave wasn’t adequate.
When presented with different options, the average busy person will claim they have no time to make or “DIY” a gift, so they will often grab a gift card and call it a day.
Gift cards make pretty sweet presents, don’t get me wrong. But knowing that the gift-giver considered you a nuisance, destroys the meaning of Christmas.
Make sure you get to the mall soon to buy your presents. If you don’t, you’ll be stuck last-minute shopping, which means you’ll have to wrestle with other people for the perfect gift.
There’s nothing more holly-jolly than punching someone in the face over the last flat screen T.V. on Black Friday, right?
And what has become of decorations? The displays have become so pitifully extravagant, from musical light shows to Christmas tree forests, that I couldn’t be bothered to try and steal them.
Instead of enjoying a few lights and a nice small tree near the fireplace, people have taken it upon themselves to compete for the best light displays.
Again, this is money being spent to impress others. Not only do many people pay thousands of dollars for these decorations, they often hire workers to put them up and take them down.
Imagine being so pathetic that you need to display your wealth with hundreds of yards of outdoor lights that can blink along to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
It’s time to think about what you really want this Christmas. If you’re so adamant about celebrating this silly little holiday, at least do it correctly.
Make plans with old friends, if you have them (if you don’t, that’s too bad.), or bake some cookies for your family when you have one of those dreaded reunions. Sing a carol or two- don’t worry, I bought earplugs already.
Take care of your loved ones before you give gifts the slightest thought. You let money dictate your relationships, yet you call me rotten.
This Christmas, pull yourselves together.
Yours in minimal sincerity,