Striving for Something Serious or Keeping it Casual?

By: Dominick Wojtas

What do you value the most? (Credit: estheradeniyi.com)

To invest emotionally or to not invest, that is the question. Should you be striving for something serious or is keeping it casual the way to go?

The answer is, it depends. And it depends on a couple of factors including: personality, lifestyle, and well-being.

If you can’t imagine yourself pursuing a single individual and are still enticed by the idea of seeking out new partners, a relationship may not be on your to-do list; but with all the other ‘things’ on your ‘to-do’ list, you’re probably already keeping yourself busy enough.

On the other-hand, if you can’t imagine yourself partner hopping and the thought of a new person makes you anxious, settling with that special someone is your game.

If work, school, or travel is taking up 90% of your time and energy-lay low for a bit, pursue quick passions; wake up, brush off your clothes, then go about your weekly grind with a sweet memory and nothing more.  

If you’re willing to allocate a sizable chunk of time to being with someone, a relationship could work for you but even then it’s important to make sure that you’re prepared for it.

There is a famous expression, “Love thyself before you love others.” in the context of a relationship, this expression couldn’t ring truer.

People with low self-esteem tend to underestimate their partners love, adopting a negative opinion about the way their partner sees them, believing that no one that’s actually good could possibly love them.

According to self-verification, people with negative views of themselves tend to be drawn toward individuals who validate their misconstrued opinion.

If you accept yourself—be wary of self-obsession as it can lead to landing with a partner that will accelerate your narcissism—but if you accept yourself as a human-being and adopt a positive outlook, this will resonate and attract others with a complementing vibe.

The best way to attract positive energy is by sending it out yourself.

Before you dive into a relationship or decide you’d like to live loosely for the time being, it’s important you know the pros and cons of both scenarios.

Being in a relationship, if done right, means supreme connection, or a deep understanding of a human being unattainable through any other situation.

Someone is always there to willingly receive your troubles.

Had a bad day at work? Your partner is on the other side of a phone, ready to hear all about it, willing to provide comfort.

If you seek physical connection, you know exactly where to find it. No need to go out praying to get lucky or having to ward off a sea of men until one that is half-decent finally makes his attraction known.

For many, security is the biggest factor. History proves that you can trust this person. Free from venereal diseases you can explore your partner without restriction, building upon each others desires, constantly learning.

If the three points above are what you find most important then looking for a long-term partner is what you should pursue.

However, depending on the individual and their circumstances, what poses as a pro to one, may be a con for the next.

For example, you may love going out, meeting new people, and are thrilled by either endearing or being loved by someone.

Being with someone new, learning what makes them tick can be a rewarding educational experience. It will help you gain a better understanding of how personalities vary, as well as insight about interests that were previously foreign to you.

For example, discovering a genre of music that you were unaware of or inside information about a profession that you had only mainstream knowledge of.

It’s all so exciting since lack of history makes this person an enigma waiting to be explored.

However, to some,“The Game” as it is commonly referred to can seem tiring and frivolous. Relationships generally prove more fruitful and productive in the long run if one is wary about choosing their partner.

If you’re going into a relationship, don’t do it simply to combat loneliness and to gain a sense of security, do it because the other individual makes you feel some type of way.

Being with someone for the wrong reasons makes for a toxic relationship and you’ll feel worse with them than by your lonesome. Ironically this scenario is quite common.

When someone is in a relationship for a long-time that has recently become broken beyond repair, the thought of change and being alone can be more daunting than leaving even if they understand that the future is bleak.

If this is the case, it’s important to understand that there are other fish in the sea, many of which align with what you’re looking for in a relationship.

Chase after what you want. But don’t forget that a relationship requires sacrifice and consensus.

If you adopt a positive outlook and persevere, you will no-doubt succeed.    

And in the meantime, if you would rather take some time to soul-search, explore your options. Dating others will help you understand yourself and what you value in a partner the most.

There is a time and place for both a serious relationship and casual dating/fun depending on your frame of mind and life circumstances at the time.

As long as you’re comfortable with yourself and constantly learning, you should have no trouble finding what you seek.