April Fools!

The Hidden Skunk People of CSI

They Are Just Lurking in the Dark

By: Mark Deutsch

Real People of the Skunk People. Credit: Florida Animal Control

After some deep investigating, a horrifying secret was uncovered, something that plots to ruin CSI… The Hidden Skunk People. The threat has been seen rarely on campus but everyone has seen a spy, one that utilizes bad smells. What’s been attacking CSI and plot world domination are the Skunk people. 

This may sound far fetched but the Skunks have wrought damage everywhere, its just never been pinned down. It’s one hundred percent factual that the Skunks are using CSI as their home lair. From their lair, they’ve been plotting to topple CSI from within, along with conquering the world itself. 

These foul smelling Skunks have an arsenal of weaponry along with some magical abilities. That’s right, these bastards have magic on their side to beat humans up. These guys have stink guns that have potent skunk piss. 

Actually almost all of their weapons are just variations of smell weapons, with barf smells along with coma stink weapons. Now their magic involves shape shifting into natural skunk animals, along with hypnosis magic for mind control. These are the weapons to take on the world, but these weapons shouldn’t be underestimated at all. 

While investigating the Skunk people, a few weapons were stolen, after an altercation with one of the Skunk people. After the fight was over, the available weapons were tested and the best defense was discovered to be nose plugs. Besides that obvious solution, there are a few counter measures available against them. 

The other solutions would be using strong deodorants in combat, thus neutralizing that foul expelled odor. The more conventional weapons also work on the Skunk clan, so the new information is basically vital protection. Armed with new defences the only remaining problem was that magic force field. 

That force field was pretty much impregnable because it being magic, the only way was capturing a Skunk. Now the Skunks aren’t human or resemble humans so they should be easy to spot. The Skunks essentially resemble a giant humanoid skunk with a short black white tail which should be easier than finding Bigfoot. 

The reason why these guys are so conspicuous yet haven’t been reported, is a question answered upon discovery. These guys use the cover of night by covering all traces of white fur, then apply a small hypno concealment spell.These guys have used their tricks to slowly take down the world. 

Obviously the Skunks have been tampering with CSI’s higher ups, by making them make strange decisions. One of them included firing workers because of budget constraints which the Skunks had meddled with and were siphoning. The question was, how could the information about the Skunk’s plans be obtained; it was a matter of finding their lair. 

Now while the lair is protected with both regular science and magic barriers, it can be entered with skunk dna. It doesn’t matter if the dna is either Skunk or just regular skunk, just having it gains entry. After investigating stealth like into their lair, secrets were discovered about their world domination. 

Their agenda for conquering the earth hasn’t been going that smoothly, ever since they’ve stuck to Staten Island. Apparently the clan of Skunks, despite all of their weapons, 

have been proven inept at doing any conquering. These people are complete idiots who can only operate in a limited area. 

Having discovered exactly what the Skunk people have in weapons, even with magic are a little threat.These guys only pose a danger to anyone who lives in New York, so a suggestion would be using nose plugs. Now that I’ve warned you about these hidden smelly people, stay safe from the shifty bastards.


Categories: April Fools!, Campus, News

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