Livin' La Vida Lucia

50 Things Fifty Shades of Grey Taught Me

By Lucia Rossi

Before you read this please know that this list contains SPOILERS. So if you have not read the book or have seen the movie, maybe you shouldn’t read this, but thanks for stopping by. Also, know that what I say below are not facts and are just for fun. These are the things I’ve learned from reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Feel free to agree or disagree as you like but please keep offensive comments to yourself. I appreciate it.

1) Good things can come from fan fiction…sometimes.

2) Playing it safe gets you nowhere.

3) Hot, rich, young, emotionally/psychologically damaged guys are sexy, when reformed,

they’re sexier.

4) Young, skinny, witty, clumsy, bookworm girls are sexy, especially when they realize

they have a kinky side.

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5) Know your wines. Bollinger is especially good for special occasions.

6) Biting your lips is a good flirtation tool, its very sexually suggestive.

7) Blushing too many times can be more annoying than rolling your eyes.

8) If you think your partner’s friend has feelings for them, you’re probably right.

9) Sometimes it’s true when they say you look for a partner who resembles your mother

or father.

10) If your boss sexually harasses you or attempts to rape you, kick them in the balls and

run.

11) Tea is better than coffee.

12) It’s good to have an eclectic taste in music, but if your parents expect you to learn an

instrument, they’re asking for too much.

13) Sex can be healing, but not when it’s done with a 15 year old.

14) Wearing silk to bed seems to be the sexiest choice, that or your partner’s t-shirt.

15) Know how many surfaces you have in your home and have sex on all of them,

including the floors and walls.

16) When spanking, strive for pink.

17) When a guy stalks you, it means he cares and worried for your safety.

18) All your guy friends secretly want to bang you.

19) When you have sex, both you and your partner should orgasm at the same time, every

time.

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20) Eat. There are children with crack-whore mother’s who are starving.

21) When buying a gift for your partner, it doesn’t need to be super expensive. Just

meaningful. Kinky toys make fun gifts as well, but remember don’t go straight for the

butt plug.

22) Talking to a shrink can be very insightful, especially the ones with British accents.

23) Be ready for sex at all times.

24) Don’t take birth control pills if you aren’t going to take them everyday. Consider

getting the shot instead and know the health risks. Wait seven days after you get the shot

to have unprotected sex. Some guys just hate condoms.

25) Don’t be with a control freak unless you can handle being controlled sometimes. If

you’re lucky, not letting yourself be controlled can be a turn on for them.

26) Always be honest with the one you love, if they really love you they will accept you.

27) Listen to your inner goddess. You are Aphrodite and you are beautiful.

28) In relationships, there are no rules, only compromises.

29) Leaving someone could be the best thing you ever did.

30) Don’t let your partner “punish” you unless you like to be punished. It’s okay if you

don’t like it.

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31) Always remember the safeword, however if you are making love, you shouldn’t need

one.

32) If you have sex on a full bladder, your orgasm will be better.

33) Don’t be afraid to talk dirty.

34) Never use sex as a weapon.

35) Know what your limitations are.

36) Control and concentration skills are needed for the best sex.

37) Don’t let your past forbid you from love, giving it or accepting it in return.

38) In business, know people’s talents and use them.

39) Don’t let just emails and alcohol make you brave enough to speak your mind. Don’t

let intimidation stop you either.

40) Be unashamed of your body.

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41) Try not to feel threatened or jealous by your partner’s crazy ex’s, especially when

your partner is helping them.

42) Don’t go topless on the beach unless you’re okay with people you know looking at

you, especially your body guards.

43) When your partner’s ex gets in your face, throw your drink at them.

44) It is okay to tell your best friend all your secrets, as long as they keep them.

45) Prenups are for fools.

46) If you have family that live far away, visit them sometime. Visit the places you

always wanted to go to as well.

47) If you have only known your partner for a few months and want to marry them, really

think about what you’re doing.

48) Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

49) People who are “fifty shades of fucked-up” can be saved, or can be changed.

50) Love is all you need!

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