April Fools!

What’s Old is New: Plague Edition!

From scrunchies to plague doctor masks, super cute fashion statements are coming back

By: Catherine Gilliam

For a cute, personal touch, add stickers to your plague doctor mask! Credit: nationalgeographic.com

Recently, we’ve seen a lot of interesting old trends resurfacing in exciting new ways. From tattoo chokers to scrunchies to Nazism, old continues to become new. 

The latest trend is plagues! We came close with ebola, swine flu, and another coronavirus called SARS, but SARS’ big sister is what really brought it back into the zeitgeist.

COVID-19, which you can say to the tune of “Come On, Eileen” to make it a little more fun, is bringing back some of the classics — not being able to leave your house, only associating with your family, and racist myths about people of color, just to name a few!

This is exciting, because as we know, it’s been a while since any of the girls had this range! I mean, a pandemic! The international implications! Thousands of deaths!

That’s a #girlboss moment we haven’t seen the likes of since one of our favorite girl power babes, Maggie Thatcher! I don’t know about you guys, but I’m with her! 

For so many years, we’ve been so reliant on petty external stimuli, like basic human interaction. It’s been so hard to focus on ourselves! Plagues are a great time for some self-reflection and, more importantly, self-care! 

I’m sure Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop will drop a line of products to help out with our totally incredible time of social distancing (unless you work a minimum wage job, in which case you couldn’t afford the products or the time off of work! Frowny face).

  More and more people are beginning to integrate facial masks and gloves into their everyday looks, which is a really exciting fashion moment. However, there is a distinct lack of one of the most, if not the most, stylish plague-time accessory.

We are referring to, of course, plague doctor masks! There’s no better way to social distance than a big ol’ bird beak! 

Sure, you can’t exactly have a six foot beak attached to your mask, but it’s a great way to start, and it’ll definitely keep germs off of your face if someone gets a little too close. 

You can also take further inspiration from this trend and put dried flowers in your beak to smell something nice and potentially ward off disease, if you believe in that old myth. 

One of the most fun and creative parts about trends coming back is finding ways to combine them. There’s nothing cuter than an edgy 1990s tattoo choker paired with an adorable 1980s scrunchie, for example. 

A great way to do that here would be to decorate your 17th century mask with some cute Lisa Frank stickers! Throw your hair up in a fun scrunchie to keep it as uncontaminated as possible when something essential enough to break quarantine comes up and throw on some cute, 1960s round sunglasses over your mask’s eye holes, and you’re ready to fight soccer moms named Stacy over toilet paper and the last can of beans!

This trend is reminiscent of steampunk, but we aren’t quite far enough into a dystopia for such drastic fashion measures just yet! Dystopian-adjacent times call for dystopian-adjacent #lewks, mama. 

So while the class war hasn’t quite progressed to the point of grave robbing mausoleums to cut up Victorian-era dresses in fun and versatile ways to show our displeasure with the wealth gap, as well as our sexy, apocalypse-toned calves, we are beginning to imagine a world where the rich do more than fake deep stands of solidarity.

Where they have access to potentially lifesaving coronavirus tests from the safety of their isolated mansions that the everyday man can’t access until they’re showing severe symptoms from constant exposure at one of their three cashier jobs, if even then!

Until then, consider dropping by the dollar store for some affordable puffy stickers! The super cute accessories will make your mask stand out from the rest. 

Your neighbors will be totally jealous, but that also might be because your family is stockpiling hand sanitizer. Don’t let the haters get you down, though — price gouging is a total #girlboss move, babe, and definitely isn’t unethical and inhumane!

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.