You and your partner will be focusing less on gender norms and more on getting each other off 

By: Katie Kallahan

“Sexual fluidity not only allows a person to explore new sexual situations, but complexly re-imagine how sex can look,” says sex educator, Janielle Bryan. Credit: Katie Kallahan

All types of sex can be gender-neutral, you do what you want, with who you want. Whatever you know feels good, go for it, or if you’re curious, try it out and see how you feel. As long as what you’re doing with your partner is consensual, it’s all good. 

But, for some people, they may seem like they tend to have a heteronormative sexual experience. This may be the only thing they’ve ever known due to socially constructed norms. 

“You may have been socialized to penetrate or one who receives, a dominant or a submissive,” said writer Maya Gittleman. “Even reversing or opposing these roles can still feel gendered: one of the first times I was sexual with another person with a vagina, I felt a maleness arise in me as if there was a “he” who needed to be present.”  

1. Mutual Masturbation

Most might say they consider masturbation a solo act, but having your partner join you can amp up the fun. You can watch each other get off while removing the traditional sub/dom roles. You and your partner could make sure you aren’t touching each other, and see how long it takes either of you to break and join them. Another way to spice this up is for one of you to get on top and/or add some toys to this mix. 

2. Doggy-style

No matter what you have going on biologically, this position can suit anyone. You can switch up the sub/dom roles on this one with your partner as well. Classic doggy has one person on all fours, while the other enters from behind. If you don’t have a dick, that’s fine, get to online shopping and get yourself one. If your partner doesn’t have a dick either you can both take turns wearing it to experience being in the more dominant role. It’ll be fun for the both of you, bonus points if you add a vibrator for some clitoral stimulation. 

3. Face-to-face spooning

You’re both going to be lying on your sides while facing each other. It can be very romantic, touch each other all over, grab what you can, do what you want. Gender free. One of you can wrap one leg around the other while the other pulls you in closer. 

4. Standing 

Either you or your partner will be standing, while the other kneels or sits on the floor. If the person standing has a vagina, it’d be best to put one foot up on a chair so the person kneeling can reach everything easier. The person kneeling can use their mouth, hands, or both, use your imagination here. Again, this is another position where you can both take turns being the one standing or sitting. 

5. 69 or lazy 69

One person lies on their back, while the other gets on top and turns around so both of you have the genitals of the other in your face. In the lazy version, you can both lie on your side and if you’re particularly lazy you can even rest your head on your partner’s thigh while you’re both going down on each other. You and your partner can pleasure each other orally. 

6. Cow-person

Or reverse cow person, whichever you and your partner are more comfortable with or up for trying. One of you will lie on your back while the other will get on top and straddle them. You can also decide amongst yourselves if you want to be facing your partner or turned around for a reverse comparison. Either of you could wear a strap or include a vibe to enjoy the ride even further.