By: Rossani Garmendia
I feel like I tend to carry the past with me as if I HAVE to do that. Whenever I wake up and I just want to take a moment of silence before I get my day started, all of the negativity comes rushing to the front of my mind. It’s like my mind says “she’s not thinking of anything, let’s go guys!” and haunts me.
The past is what made the person you are today but you don’t HAVE to let it dictate every move forward that you make. I am more than aware of my actions but I still feel lost in the fog. I am aware that I do not have to feel like this, that there are ways I can cope and move to strengthen myself. I wouldn’t say it is a lack of confidence, I think I am just scared.
My therapist who just entered into my life told me to try listening to Tibetan sounds. My emotions are at their highest in the morning and/or at night. So I took their advice, played the sounds at a decent volume on my JBL speaker and I went on a journey through my mind.
When I listen to Tibetan sounds, I close my eyes and see a splash of vibrant watercolors. Reminds me of my mom as that was her favorite kind of art to do. I paint a figure of myself made of watercolors and I’m skipping, galloping, swaying, dancing through a meadow. There are leaves blowing in the wind. I have on a loose scarf that is whooshing around me as if I have wings.
Through this sight, I recite to myself every meaning behind every art work inked to my skin. I start off by saying “I am safe. I am not a problem to be solved, I am human”. I am as free as a butterfly even with the future unwritten, I will always be safe as long as I allow myself to be. I am not a lost soul because it is okay to wander. I am free and I am safe.
